– Do you struggle with feelings of insecurity, and if so, what are those challenges?
I think everyone struggles with feelings of insecurity at times. I am not different. Mostly my insecurities come from my chronic pain and not being good enough. I can’t do all I want to do around the house and with just life in general. So then it builds insecurities that I am not good enough.
– What do you do to get yourself out of a negative train of thought?
Sometimes I just let it happen. I have a good cry, let the negative talk take it’s course. But after a good night sleep and some positive self talk then I can battle it.
– How do you think your D/s role and the role or actions of your Dominant interact with feelings of insecurity?
I usually don’t get insecure feelings from Master. But early on in our relationship I did always feel he might replace me. It was something that was said during a heated argument and so any time he was disappointed or displeased with me – I would remember what he said and worry. It was a bad tape playing in my head that I finally stopped. I know Master isn’t getting rid of me. He wants me here. We have been together for 12 years and I am extremely secure of my place in his life.
Prompt Set #17
– What are ways you can be submissive without a partner?
When I was single, I had play partners to fulfill my submissive side. I also served the BDSM community to exercise my service oriented self.
– What role, if any, does meditation play in your life/service?
I have meditated long before I was actively in the lifestyle and serving. I have found it useful for my life as a service oriented slave. When I am overwhelmed or feeling burnt out, mediating can help ground me and center my focus and intention in serving.
– What sort of criteria is there for you to play with someone?
When I was single and had some casual play partners, I looked for smart, strong men that I knew could over power my body as well as mind. I looked for compatibility in kinky desires. Such as I am a masochist that wants humiliation and degradation and finding sadist at that time that wanted that was hard for me. But at least getting some masochist desires fulfilled was often enough.
– How do you handle denial (sexual denial, refusal of a request, however you want to go with that)?
It often adds to my emotional masochist desires. Being refused I can mindfuck myself with that.