Master walking by me, grabbing my hair tightly, and spinning me around to kiss me while I am doing dishes
Him whispering mine in my ear when we are standing in a busy checkout lane at the grocery store.
Being able to hand him the very thing he is looking for even though he hadn’t verbalized he was looking for it. Seeing his eyes light up and smile at me like i am his good girl.
Sometimes it is very vanilla things like….washing dishes with a handmade dish cloth a good friend made.
Having 15 minutes of quiet after a stressful day.
A good friend texting out of the blue just because.
Tonight my domestic side was touched in that way.
This weekend we bought new sheet. I laundered them today and pulled them out of the dryer tonight to put on the bed. I started to look for that tag that hides in one corners, but instead saw a tag half way between corners. It read “side” – I squealed so loudly that Master thought something was wrong. I replied in excitement that there were tags on all four sides marked: 2 marked sides, 2 marked top/bottom. It made this domestic service oriented person smile and sigh with joy. I know it doesn’t really enhance Master’s life, but certainly makes my life easier in serving him. Shaving time off wrestling sheets.
I have been feeling off for a bit because we have been traveling SO MUCH! Last weekend in February, the first weekend in March and then every other week until last week – we have been out of town. I feel like we have been living out a suitcase. Honestly we come home I do laundry and then just leave the suitcase out instead of stowing it away because I know it will be out again soon.
We have had some really good times though in our times out. One trip, I was able to meet up with an old friend I met on LJ almost 10 years ago. In the same trip we met a new lifestyle friend and she was just so nice to meet.
Master and I have had poetry dates out while traveling, taken LOTS of photos and just had time to enjoy each others company. It is one of the things I love about traveling – road trips give you so much amazing time to talk and be together without distractions. Master and I have these conversations that are fun, serious, deep and complex, light and easy and just full of us. It is fantastic so I really enjoy that time and cherish it.
I have had some quality time doing art. Not a lot of course since we have been out of town a lot, but some pieces that really mean something to me.
Master did have some health problems, but he is mending. I am having some health problems too, but the same ones that have been going on for years. My sciatica really kicked into high gear when we got home from our last trip. I do have an appointment coming up with my Doctor about my sciatica so hopefully things will get better on that end soon.
But overall – life is good. Master is busy with his business. We have a lot of great things in our life and I am really completely grateful for this life we are living.
I have been drinking more tea this winter. Last winter, I might have had a cup or two a week. Now I have one almost everyday. Even having a second cup sometimes. Either it is just because it has been so cold this winter or maybe watching so much of Downton Abbey is inspiring me to drink more tea.
It took about 3 episodes of the first season before getting Master hooked on Downton Abbey. We watched season 1 on Netflix and season 2 on Hulu. Right now 3 is being shown on PBS.org until March 3rd. But luckily for me, Master bought me Downton Abbey UK edition Season 3 on DVD so we had a season 3 marathon recently. I was thrilled to see moments I had been waiting for since season 1. But I was also shocked by some things and think Mr. Julian Fellowes writer/creator of Downton Abbey has a little Joss Whedon in him. Joss fans might understand when they watch all of season 3.
Now I am waiting for season 4! And rewatching all seasons OVER and OVER. I love the opening credits where they measure the place settings. I remember seeing the first episode – and even now when I watch it I get this feeling of flutter in my stomach from the service. I love the attention to details and dynamics between the servants and their Master/employer.
There is this little piece when Matthew in season 1 expresses to Robert that he doesn’t need a valet. It is just a little moment where he goes on about how unfair that would be to Mosely, but then ends it with – “We all have parts to play Matthew and we must all be allowed to play them.” I like that line. We do all have parts to play in life. Finding that path to do what you desire can sometimes be hard. But the outcome is worth and luckily I have found my part to play it fits nicely with what Master desires.
* My life is amazing right now. I just feel overwhelmed with joy. It is easy for the pain to flood in and bring me down though. So trying to hang on to all the good things in my life. Remind myself that I have super fantastic support system in my life between friends, Master and professionals in my life such as my doctor and therapist. Hanging on to the joy and working to get the pain more under control. Plus having an abundance of joy. * I got new glasses….first time I have worn glasses in at least 15 years. I joked with the eye doctor that even though Colorado doesn’t seem to mind me not having a glasses while driving….I do. 🙂 I had been driving more and didn’t like not being able to read signs ahead. * I am obsessed with Downton Abbey right now. I have watched season 1 and 2 several times and just hang on every episode – captivated. I got Master hooked on them too. I mean he isn’t obsessed like I am, but really enjoys the series too. * I took on job via Master’s business that he had a conflict with and I didn’t want it to go to another company so I offered to do it. So it is my project, but it has been an experience as I am doing things out of my box of comfort. It has been a good for me though. I had an appointment with the group this week and it went really well. So made me feel more confident in how I am doing in the project. Still scary, but I know in the long run it is good for me to be doing this. * 2013 has been artful and creative for me. I am reading a book about poetry (something I have never tried my hand at before) and I am having fun playing with words. Besides the poetry, I have many other fulfilling creative ideas and projects taking up my time. I can’t imagine not having them going on now and want to explore them further. I hope to really push my creativity and art in 2013. * My parents came for a visit at the beginning of January for several days. I have never seen my Dad so relaxed. He is retired now and it is agreeing with him. My Mom retired right before they left on this trip so she is still having some issues on the thought of not working again. My father and I have always had issues relating to each other. I long to be accepted for me by Dad. That will never happen, but there is that little piece of me that always holds out hope. Anyway it is easy for me to take things very personally with my Dad so this time while he was here, I used Byron Katie’s The Work and it helped me not take things personally so that I didn’t create negative issues playing on repeat in my head. Which of course created a much more relaxed visit instead of being so stressed with everything. * Really this is a pretty vanilla life update, but even though all this good vanilla stuff is going on in my life…my foundation with Master is really good too as Owner/property – Master/slave. Next week we will celebrate 10 years together on this journey and I was discussing with my therapist my relationship with Master – which she knows nothing about the M/s but does know about the poly. She was commenting on how solid Master and I are. She also finds it interesting because I am very insecure in myself often and other relationships like with my parents, but with Master, I am so secure in our relationship. I know that we can get through any challenge that comes our way and I don’t feel threatened or insecure about the poly or the time he puts into the business. She just feels we have have a very strong healthy and secure relationship I agree even with the parts she is missing…the M/s. I feel extremely blessed to be Master’s slave and walk this path with him and have fantastic relationship.
Okay so I have been bad…really bad this fall about posting. I was on such a good streak and now….I have fallen off into the abyss again.
Things have just been busy…..and I have been really tired by the end of the day so…..blog is one of those things I let go of fairly quickly when that happens unfortunately as I do like to write. I do write actually – I just don’t always post. Doesn’t feel complete the thought I start when I write so I don’t post it and always have good intentions of coming back and finishing them.
So somethings going on in bullet points… * got a new bed…sleep is so much better! * got a few other new pieces of furniture and so the house felt like we had just moved in there for a bit * my pain – the sciatica well it is worse at the moment which is typical I guess for how we are treating it. See I have one leg longer then the other – by 1/2 inch so….throwing everything off. I have a temporary lift in my shoe that is small then a half inch because starting slowly. Well pushing things back is making me in more pain. Such pain that my therapist was concerned too and my medical and mental health are all linked in through the same place so….she was wanting me to make another appointment. I have a follow up for the end of the month. * therapy is going really well right now. I really appreciate all the help my therapist has given me. I know I mentioned back at the beginning of the year – I changed therapist’s and my new therapist I love! She is so great about everything. Even the poly. * teacup is going to be arriving on Saturday. She will be meeting all of Master’s family as we will be there for a family event through the weekend. * We will head home to have Thanksgiving here. * Going to see some friends after Thanksgiving – can’t wait to see them as we haven’t been able to get together with them since the beginning of summer. *The other day when I was sitting waiting to go into my therapy appointment something happened with another patient and it bothered me a lot. I barely made it back into my therapists office without starting to cry. It just bothered me and hurt so….I told her about it and felt better as she understood what happened and I knew then she would handle it after there making sure the person was okay. But it just really made me feel for the other person. One of my favorite sayings is – “Be kind for everyone is fighting a battle.” I think it is so true. We never know people’s stories or the battle they are fighting so it really bothers me when people are unkind and lack compassion towards others.
Two friends right now are in an argument that escalated so much that they ended the friendship. I can get we all have different views. I can get we all have a core belief that sometimes we can’t see beyond and see it how others see it. My parents go to a church that is doesn’t believe in Gays/Lesbians. Their church believes marriage is between a woman and man and any other type of relationship is a sin. They also voted for Romney and who is against Gays/Lesbians having equal rights. My sister is a lesbian. I am bisexual, but not out to them. But my sister is out to them. And they are against her loving in my eyes. Now they would explain they are for her loving and getting married, they just don’t “support” the church’s view or Romney’s but they support the church through donating money to it weekly. The supported Romney through voting for him. And that for me says – they don’t want their daughter to fall in love and get married. It bothers me and it is hard for me to see beyond that. But…even though I don’t understand it…..I don’t stop loving my parent’s. I don’t agree with them, but I don’t disown them. What I can do is look at them and know we are all different. It is their choice – even if I don’t get it I don’t continue to harp on them, I don’t continue to argue – but look towards them with compassion and hope and pray they will see how supporting those against equality for everyone hurts so many amazing people in the world including my sister.
Words and actions can sometimes hurt people so deeply – we can’t understand or see how it affects them. Someone called me a murderer because I had an abortion – someone who is a friend. It was really hard for me to let the disagreement about it go and just continue the friendship, but I finally let it go and hope one day the compassion that this person shows towards so many others will shown towards me and know what that word does to me.
There are so many words and actions that to me speak so clearly for us and sometimes we don’t realize at all what it means to others. I am trying really hard to think before I speak and act – are my words kind? true and necessary? do my actions hurt people I care about? will this be kind towards them? help them? So many things to consider, but helps me in the long run too feel better.
We all say and do things that can cut to the core of us, but hopefully we can see a broader picture of compassion and love. Yeah I am a tree-hugging bleeding heart liberal if can’t tell by these last paragraphs. Peace to everyone!
In 2010, I only did 30 posts for the whole year, but I understand why as that was the year my Uncle died and Kam also died and I pretty much pulled away from everything. I only did 31 posts in 2011. I didn’t even post in the first 3 months of 2011. The only reason I started post in April of 2011 is because we met some people who were moving to the area and now are good friends. I wanted to share the experience of meeting like minded people.
I am now coming up on the 2 year anniversary of both my Uncle’s death and Kam’s. I am happy to say although I miss them and still have moments of grieving – sadness that come up – I am over the biggest parts of my grieving. I know that many things helped me get through it all. Master of course is one of the main reasons I was able to move forward. He was really great in just supporting me and understanding when things seemed to be falling apart around here. He helped me when he could and of course he got frustrated and angry at some things I did but he still was there for me. Other things that helped me were good friends – such as the friends we met last year that moved to the area. I can’t imagine not having them around – even if we only see them once a month or every other month. I enjoy their company so much. They have come to mean so much to me and I count them as blessings in my life.
Meeting katie was also a big moment for me that helped me keep looking forward as she is such a lovely person who is so inspiring to be around. I really wished we would have had more time together but so glad we keep our friendship alive through online contact at least. I truly don’t know what I would do without such a wonderful friend who I can be myself with even when complaining or sharing joy. You are a beautiful person inside and out katie and I love and adore you! So thankful we were able to meet in 2011 and hope to see you again in 2012.
My long time friends have been a great help too – Jouet and Jessica. Jouet for making me laugh and telling me wonderful stories of her life. They were always a good distraction and it is always fun to live vicariously through others. The cupcake story I still replay in my head often. 🙂 Jessica – for allowing me to cry and vent even when it was irrational. Thank you so much for being there even when I was at my worst. I love you both so much and am so thankful to have you as friends.
And last but not least I know that teacup coming into our lives really helped me look forward to the future…giving me hope for a bright future. A future I have dreamed about for so long and was not sure we were going to find someone to fit into. She came to us in an unexpected way when we weren’t looking and now we are moving towards being a family. I cherish the memories we have already created and look forward to the ones we will make in the days to come. I love and adore you, teacup. Thank you for coming into our lives and wanting to be a part of this family with all the ups and downs.
I know I am forgetting people – so many people reached out to me during my struggles and I appreciate every single person…each time someone commented on my livejournal or blog, emailed me, dropped me an offline message or message on fetlife – it meant the world to me and helped me through it. I have amazing friends and family – I am very thankful for having such a good life and you all enriching it.