Little Things

Sometimes it is just simple things…things that aren’t overt, but just little acts of SM that make a big impact.

Master has an injury right now and we haven’t had much SM play because he can’t lift his dominant arm above his ribs. He can move his forearm just fine, but not his upper arm. I want him to heal so I have been trying to urge him to relax and not exert himself. We are kinky and enjoy SM so he has had to find other ways to play.

What I have noticed is sometimes it is simple little things that can make a big impact without a lot of exertion. They also can be done in a quiet corner of an active play party.

Master put me in a collar and leash on Saturday night. He held tight on the leash pulling me back to choke me slightly.

He whispered, “Kiss me.”

He commands me to kiss him. I choke myself more by trying to reach his lips as he holds the leash tightly in his fist. I pull and gasp. He finally gives a little so that I can reach his lips. They were such delicious kisses. He whispered wickedly tormenting things into my ear such as “I want to break you.”

He alternated between breath play and percussive face slapping. He stood behind me as I sat in a chair. It brought his hands up into a good place to slap me. My face was bright red and on fire.

Although we like to play a little harder, I love that we did what we could and it still feeds our energy. It feeds those sadistic and masochistic desires in us.

We wished we could have stayed at the party longer, but we had Sunday obligations that made us leave early. But thankful for our little scene in the corner, as I was a happy floaty girl by the time we left and barely remember if we said good bye.

Spankings

heartspkunexpectedboxFor the longest time I didn’t like spankings. Over the years, I have had people tell me “oh you should get a spanking from so and so, then you would like spankings.” I would get spanking from so and so and still go “umm no.” Then the next friend would recommend someone else and I would repeat this process and walk away going “no” still. Once even walking away injured because the spanking was hard and high so whacked my back out of place.

When I became Master’s, he didn’t spank me right away. We had lots things we did, but spanking wasn’t one of them. I think I even expressed how spankings weren’t something I even really enjoyed. One day he gave me a spanking...oh my gawd. It was the most amazing spanking as he actually plays me as he spanks because he is a drummer.

He causes all sorts of different sensations with just his hands during a spanking. He uses the music’s rhythm and his hands to play my body. My body reacts as though it is a musical instrument. His hands cause vibrations on the flesh. Some are soft and sensual and some are harder to get almost popping sounds. Sometimes the vibrations have caused me to orgasm.

Because of the music and how he plays me – it is deeply intimate. Skin on skin. Energy coming from the music and him. I get into where I am writhing and moaning. Sometimes my hands are dancing along. He gets in a zone and it is really like he is playing a musical instrument where the only focus is on what he is doing.

I didn’t like others spankings before, but honestly I doubt I would ever like anyone’s spanking but Master’s now. We call them percussion spankings as they are due to him being a drummer.

Nipple Suction Set

2015-07-15 21.25.19We received an order from JT Stockroom last week. These were a part of the order. Kaya mentioned them on FetLife. So I told her I would be cursing her name when they were “tested.” I think blaming kaya is better for my health than trying to blame the Sadists that inflict such umm tortures on us. (Insert self preservation badge here)

So that I can be as sweet and kind as kaya here is a link: http://www.stockroom.com/KinkLab-T-Cups-Nipple-Suct…
Sharing is caring.

Emotional Masochism

sgrough2dwI am an emotional masochist. I think the common definition is deriving sexual satisfaction/pleasure from emotional pain.

I do get turned on by the emotional pain often, but sometimes I don’t get turned on by it. Instead I feel something inside me that just feels fulfilled by emotional pain and not physically turned on. I enjoy feeling wrecked and destroyed. Usually not in the moment, but after. Time frame of that after has had a wide range from moments after to years after. So eventually yes I do get sexual gratification because those times that destroyed me are some things I masturbate to now. So in a round about way it does usually end with sexual pleasure.

We do this in private or in situations where others around us are unaware of what we are doing. Such as him leaning over and whispering in my ear what “worthless whore”  and just an hour before he had me shoved on his cock while I was crying from how he wrecked me…no one sees what he is doing. It is for us not others.

It is deeply intimate for us. I will be sobbing and wrecked after he has been cruel and often look up at him and say, “I love you” because it is so intimate that I feel like my heart is ready to explode with love because this man gets me enough to destroy me.

From my profile on Fet: I feel most like myself when being wrecked by my Owner. My favorite way of destruction is when he uses words along with his hands to destroy me. It is comforting and also terrifying at the same time. I find balance in my daily life when humiliation, degradation, and violence are regular part of my existence. Emotional masochism/masochism bring the walls down protecting all the secrets in the dark so that I lay at his feet sobbing with nothing left to hide. I find beauty and joy come from the brutality.

Whatever ails us

I’m always amazed whenever I read a thread about whether a slave is really a slave if they suffer from depression or whether I’m dominant enough because I yield authority whenever a migraine hits danae or if she’s having a really bad day.

Really?

Being in the lifestyle doesn’t give us a reason to stop being human.

Bad days are just part of the human condition. It doesn’t make us “less than” anything. I’m definitely not in the lifestyle to be in a race or in a comparison of our dicks to see who is the better d-type. I’ve maintained the road that resonates best with danae and I because that’s what we decided from the onset. There is no one “twue” way for any of us and folks need to start figuring that out for themselves.

At the end of the day and after the cum stains fade away, we’re still human with very real issues, very real scars and very real difficulties. It’s a matter of choice whether we’re invested for the long haul or if it’s really just a 6 month soiree’. If it’s the latter, at least have the audacity to communicate that with one another. Don’t use someone’s depression, arthritis, or other ailment as an excuse to discard them after you find the “newer, better model.” Be strong enough to say what you feel and what your intentions and expectations are.

Moreover, have enough integrity to admit that you’re a player when you take what you want under the guise of pretending to be someone you’re not. Telling an s-type that you want them totally and completely means just that. Saying you’re in it for the long term, means just that. D-types, if you’ve decided your s-type is “less than,” it’s really YOU who is – not them.

The s-types are being who they are – as promised, now it’s up to you to deliver.

Be the D-type you tout, not the D-type figment you dreamt up.