I really enjoyed a few lines in the post but going to post this one: “it doesn’t matter how I behave when things are going exactly how I think they should go. It matters how I behave when he’s sick, or tired, or too busy to be constantly in my face about my slavery, or just doesn’t want to, or whatever. ”
When I was first with Master, of course, we were still figuring out the relationship. I mean we were Master/slave but more just finding how or which ways he wanted to be served. Learning his likes and dislikes. Him learning how to mold me into what he needed and so on. Basically training me to serve the way he desired.
About half way through my first year with Master, his work exploded – he wasn’t self-employed at the time. It was really hard on me because I didn’t get online much in those days (still dial up and needed to have phone free for when Master called), I was alone all day often 10 to 12 hours a day because his hours were so long. I learned to serve him, but it was hard to serve because I didn’t get much attention….no the better word is connection. Master and I couldn’t connect on levels we needed to fuel the relationship in ways we desired. Our foundation was still in tact – but without connecting our relationship suffered. I was still his slave and here to serve him no matter if we didn’t get to talk all day (because he would come home so exhausted he just wanted quiet ), didn’t touch, hug, kiss sometimes for days on end…let alone do SM or have sex.
It is a period we both look back and realize making it through that means we can make it through anything. It made our relationship stronger.
Yes, it was hard not to get things we both desired. We both wanted more sex and SM. We both wanted just to have time with each other. It could have been easy to complain and that isn’t to say I didn’t…I did but overall I just served the best I could in the situation. I wanted to enhance his life and make his life easier when the rest of his life was so out of control and so hard on him. So I kept serving.
So serving during that time was hard but I know without a doubt – I enhanced his life by serving him even when it was difficult on both of us.