When I was new to serving Master, I told me what areas he would want my service to focus on. He wanted domestic service – cleaning and cooking, but also organizing his house. So that is what I did and now do in service to him. But in doing so there came a time where I felt things needed to be perfect for him. I set a standard for myself that meant every little thing that I did had to be perfect. I felt in order to live up to serving this amazing man I should do it perfectly. That nothing could be out of place, that there could not be a speck of dust anywhere. When it wasn’t, I would beat up on myself. Wondering to myself what is wrong with me. Why can’t I be a good slave? I would go to lengths of knocking myself out and not only making myself very tired and drained, but emotionally exhausted from the pressure I put on myself.
I had been telling myself I needed things to be perfect because that is what Master relies on me to do and that he deserved a perfect home. I was punishing myself for my not making it to the standards I had set. Demanding that things needed to be perfect because that is what he wants and needs.
So let us read those above sentences again…
*I needed things to be perfect because that is what Master relies on me to do and that he deserved a perfect home. I was punishing myself for my not making it to the standards I had set.*
I needed….I punished myself…standards I had set….Was I saying Master wanted things to be perfect? Did he say he wanted things to be perfect? No, in fact he has told me many times that things didn’t need to be perfect just as long as I am serving and working to the best of my ability. Repeating that again…to do things the best I can, but not perfectly.
Next did Master tell me to punish myself when I did not get things perfect? Would he be happy with me beating up on myself? No to both questions. He would not want me to punish myself. If he feels I need to be corrected, he will do it. I know he would not be happy I was beating up on myself. He does not need me to be perfect. He does not need his home to be perfect. So setting the standard of perfect was not his wish, but mine. It was me who was putting the pressure on myself not him.
So why was I putting so much pressure on myself? How was it serving Master to the best of my ability if I was trying to do things that he did not want or need? In actuality I was basically saying, “Oh no, Master, you need it this way” and I wasn’t really serving him and actually controlling the situation.
So when I had that ah-ha moment and the light bulb went on, the pressure drained from me and relief filled me. Relief of the pressure to perform perfectly. I got so tangled up in things “needing” to be perfect – having to clean and organize just right that I forgot that my job is to serve and obey and it is his job to decide how I do that.
I am sure this is common for many slaves to think we need to do it all and be perfect for our Owners. We put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves, forgetting that it is not part of our dynamic. Instead of putting pressure on ourselves, ask yourself is that really serving your Owner? By realizing we don’t need to be perfect, we can become more mindful in the moment of our service. Letting go of pressure to perform perfectly makes our attitude better, our energy levels go up, our stress level comes down, and our service is better. All of that comes from doing what we should be doing – serving to the best of our ability the way our Owner’s want and need.
© within Reality: danae 2005 – all rights reserved