He said: Every 28 days, a wicked transformation happens in our submissives. Yes, I’m talking about the PMS beast which not only takes a hold of our precious pride, but changes them into something that would come from the best of horror films. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but the point is that there are transformations that happen each month that can have adverse reactions to a relationship, not just D/s, not just vanilla – any relationship where a woman is still going through these cycles.
Not every PMS beast is the same, however. It can sometimes unleash a completely unpredictable set of emotions in some women. So how exactly can a Dominant control and react to the beast when it emerges? For those Dominants that believe that they can control the extent in which beast shows up borders on the absurd.
The best place to start is to understand your slave and PMS together. PMS is generally the same from month to month, however don’t always count and rely on it. Relying on similar symptoms from month to month or from woman to woman is definitely not a good idea. We all know the basic, classic symptoms of PMS, but dealing with them in a D/s relationship can be difficult to integrate sometimes.
Unfortunately there’s no template approach in dealing with slaves suffering from PMS. I’ve learned that it’s still unpredictable each and every time. Body chemistry, environment, stressors, climate, temperature changes all have an immediate effect with PMS. While these variables change from month to month – so can the things that enhance the PMS cycle from start to finish. Some months are better than others for any combination of the elements I just described.
One important consideration is something that really transcends the lifestyle and beyond is: be understanding. It’s a given that most of the time, our slaves are really not in the mindset we want during this time of the month. That’s not to suggest that a slave can run around free and without a leash. Nor does it makes it excusable for a slave to forget their place and obligation to their Master or Mistress. It’s imperative and important for Dominants to understand that if your girl isn’t being too rational about a discussion or forgets to do something, that it could be that her hormones are talking louder than we are. It’s not our slave’s fault because it’s apart of biology, creation, and chemistry. The moment any one person can change all of that, they were be heralded as hero and savior to all!
As with everything else in the lifestyle, it’s completely up to each Dominant whether or not they want to be the demanding, unforgiving, insensitive Dominant. By contributing to the environmental stressors, makes for an intolerable situation when hormones compound it. It’s important to note that a Dominant realize that this is a choice that is made by them personally. There’s nothing in any Dominant handbook that says we have to be mean and insensitive to a slave who is going through PMS. Understanding that it is a choice, and not some sort of written or unwritten rule for Dominants takes a step forward in the process of what my approach is in dealing with a slave that goes through the monthly cycle. My choice is on the basis of what is in the best interest and health of my relationship with my girl. That choice and avenue makes me more understanding and empathetic. Not only do I know that she appreciates the fact I do understand what she’s going through, it also brings me closer to her instead of making her feel worse than she does when the monthly visitor comes in.
To those selective Dominants that dismiss the whole idea of PMS as being nothing more than a time when their slave is “on vacation,” I have to ask this: how can being doubled over, having a monster headache, cramping, feeling yucky, irritable, and unsociable be considered “a vacation?” Still don’t get the picture?? Allow me to kindly send a sledgehammer through the lower pelvic region and let’s call it a vacation, shall we? Ahhh, look at the overwhelming empathy now… *grins*
All joking aside, PMS is very real and can dominate the relationship between two people even when you don’t need any help. Coping with the symptoms and continuing the foresight of the relationship is paramount. For Dominants: be understanding, listen, and know that the girl you love is still there, going under hormonal stress with a whole host of other symptoms. In a matter of days she’ll be slowly equaling out and life will be good again. For slaves (and other submissive minded females): it’s a good idea to know how a Dominant feels about PMS. If they really know what happens to a woman who undergoes the 28 day cycle. Hopefully with some common ground and understanding both Master and slave can weather through these times.
She said: PMS and being a slave….the two just don’t even sound right together, but as a slave and a woman I do go through PMS. And I can’t take a break from either one. Being enslaved to Master is now a part of who I am so I just can’t stop being his slave for the week of PMS. Also I am a woman and I can’t turn PMS off either (boy do I wish I could at times).
PMS has a multitude of symptoms that effect women physically, mentally and especially emotionally. The symptoms vary from woman to woman and from cycle to cycle. There is no diagnostic test for PMS, even though that might be helpful so we could have positive proof there in black and white. But there are telltale signs that come in conjunction with a woman’s menstrual cycle.
There are physical symptoms that come with PMS include: changes in appetite (such as craving for sweets and chocolates), headaches, swollen, tender breasts, water retention, stomach complaints, pelvic pain and backache increased perspiration, intense energy, followed by fatigue. There are psychological/emotional/behavioral symptoms that include: mood swings, anxiety, tearfulness, depression, fatigue and difficulties with impulse. Some women may only be symptom free for one week after the menstruation ends.
So what happens with having PMS when you are a slave?
A slave does not mean that I am always cheerful and perfectly submissive. It does not mean that I am “pleasing” all the time. I slip. I fail. But my goal is to try hard to please Master at all times – even during PMS. The irrationality that comes with PMS has caused me to fail. And to top it off because I am being irrational it is hard at times to see that I am not being pleasing. I don’t ever feel during PMS that I don’t want to be Master’s slave, but I do notice I have to bite my tongue a lot more during PMS. I have said things that I normally would not say. When I don’t have PMS, I normally think before I speak or act as I am reflection of Master and need to remember my speech and actions – will be a reflection of Him. But of course during PMS, when I am irrational, there is no logic in my mind to slow down and think. So I do fail and say things that are not things to be said to my Master.
Comments Master would say to me when I am not having PMS will set me off in a matter of seconds during PMS. Remarks that are perfectly normal things to say, I will be hurt by during PMS. Comments that are not things I want to hear from Master at anytime of the month, instantly get under my skin and are hard to contain…and at times are not contained. I won’t yell, scream or be disrespectful. But I will get a tone as though I am not a happy girl. During the other weeks of the month when those things are said, I have learned to let go of them and see my position as a slave. Unfortunately during PMS though I often feel he is being totally irrational, wrong and needs to get with it. Even though I don’t say it out loud. And I am very thankful for those moments of rational clarity where I know it would not be good if I said those things “out loud.”
Plus the being irrational, I also get very tired, listless and all my reflexes are off – physically, mentally and emotional (DUH on the emotionally). So that causes me to screw up normal every day task at times. Things I normally do in serving Master might be a bigger harder task during PMS. An example I make a grocery list each week. My memory sucks during PMS and Master might tell me we need something and if I don’t go write it down right at that moment during PMS, I will forget to add it to the list later. So failures are caused just because of what PMS does to me physically and mentally.
My hormones are all over the place during PMS and so I have lots of highs in emotions and also lows. So one moment I might be happy and everything seems right in the world. And two minutes later I might be crying and feel sad, but not even really have a reason for being sad. I also might feel submissive and want to give and give, please and please, and serve and serve. But then in the next moment I feel I am doing everything wrong and am worthless. I feel like a klutz and feel I should stay a thousand miles away from serving Master. Add into the physical and mental problems – the emotional factors that come with PMS and I have feelings of worthlessness and like I am insignificant. Those emotions of feeling worthless and insignificant might just pop out though also just because of a hormone spike and I might not have done anything wrong. I could have just been sitting still – been a good girl, very pleasing and had a spike in hormones that cause me to feel like Master deserves better. But then the next moment I am totally indifferent to both. I can be calm, but just want to be in that moment of calmness before the next flair of hormones raging through my body.
Later I often feel horrible guilt for things I said, did, or thought during PMS. Even though I have an “excuse” – it does not make it right to forget my status in my Master’s household. I am his slave and he is the one that I want as my Master not my hormones. Master is understanding during PMS. He does not “allow” me to be outright disrespectful or bitchy. I have to remember my place even if I am not “feeling” like being in it at that moment. Just because I might not feel like being a slave, in that moment, I can’t call a time out.
So what is the solution to all this?
I have heard slaves say that it is all about self-control. But really where is self-control when hormones are raging and throwing things off balance to create a very irrational person?
Often in the moment, I even have a brief moment of, “oh yeah I am being irrational because of PMS” and then I then the irrational behavior seems to kick up a notch and give me 10 “seemingly” logical reasons why I am “right” and he is “wrong.” So where does self-control come into play there?
If I am able to accept and adjust to my monthly changes in energy and mood, then I am able to handle the PMS more easily. Although parts of the experience are unpleasant, I have discovered that it helps me to view things from a different perspective. If I am impulsive, irrational or irritable before my menstruation, I may decide to defer outward reactions for a few days. If I feel angry with Master, I may write down the anger in my journal. If, after a few days, it still bothers me, I then talk to Master about it. Some women learn this on their own. Others may need a lot of help from their Dominant to reduce stress and to learn ways to actively cope with the PMS.
Not only do I have work to do – to help contain my thoughts, speech and actions during PMS, but Master has work also to help me get through PMS in the best way for our relationship. As I said Master is very understanding. Master has been able to speak in a calm matter – slowly, clearly and without judgement when I start to get irrational. He is able to see what is happening and so he is calm and reassuring. That then takes that irrational peak in my hormones and calms it down. Almost like when taming a wild horse. You need to talk softly to it. You need to let the horse know you are it’s friend and will not hurt it. Same goes with a woman with PMS…Not that any woman or myself am a horse…well unless Master wants me to be a pony girl. But back on topic, Master has tools and guides to help me better able serve him during PMS by helping me get through it, instead of working against the PMS he coaxes it gently to his way.
I am not saying we have our PMS battle solved or in peace treaties. We still have bumps during PMS and I do expect us to. We are human. But each month though it does get better.
I do know that the more I remind myself I have PMS daily – even many times a day – I am able to ride the wave out without reacting. It is like when you are sick with the flu and you have that one day towards the end of the virus where you start feeling better. But really are not all the way healed, so you push and do things like you are better – even though you are not totally healed. What happens then? You are kicked on the butt a couple days later and usually take a little longer healing. If you would have just let it run its course you would have healed more quickly. If I keep reminding myself that I have PMS, I get through things more calmly with less set backs in my surrender to Master. I can just kind let it run its course because I know it is there up front in my thoughts instead of I am forgetting I am having PMS and am “all better now.” I become a slave with PMS instead of a slave who’s a bitch.