This is the 3rd part of a 3 part series. Part 1 is a general explanation of what a play party is and some of my personal experiences. Part 2 is about hosting a play party. Know that every place is different and has their own rules. I am covering points based on my own experiences.
Never been to a play party then this post might help you get prepared….
First is the play party at a public space or private?
Some public spaces have members only parties so you would have to be a member before coming to their parties and sometimes they have nights that are open to the general public. Either way they will most likely have a website and rules on their website about the parties they host. Often private home parties are invitation only and don’t expect invitations right away – you need time to get to know the host/hostess well before they might extend an invitation.
Some things to just keep in mind…
* When invited to a play party, you won’t be expected to play just because invited. You won’t be expected to get naked or do anything that you aren’t comfortable doing. It is perfectly fine to watch and learn.
* You will see nudity. Usually the submissive gets naked or strips down to lingerie, panties/underwear and mostly d-types stay clothed – if anything is taken off – it is a shirt or striping down slightly as flogging or doing a scene can work up a sweat.
* Don’t touch people. Don’t touch toys without permission. No is no – no matter what. Just because someone is naked doesn’t give anyone the right to touch that person without their consent. If you see someone who is nude being touched by people at the party, it is because they have relationships with those people that allow that type of touch. Don’t assume because someone is single they are looking for a hook up and are okay with touch. Don’t touch people without asking! Not even a hug.
* You might see types of play you are uncomfortable viewing. If it makes you uncomfortable, walk away. There is almost always areas for socializing as well as many other areas for play that might make you more comfortable. We are all unique and all have different ways to express our kinks.
* Don’t interrupt scenes. You might see something you liked – a technique or toy you like, but wait until after the people are done playing and moves to area for socializing to ask about it. Don’t interrupt scenes – even if it makes you uncomfortable…the type of play might an area that doesn’t interest you or even frightens you. The screams might sound like something is wrong. Don’t interrupt. The couple has safety measures set and playing how they want to play. If you really think someone is in danger, dungeon type space often has Dungeon Monitors (DMs) walking around go to them and have them take a peek. If at a private party, go to the host and hostess.
* Watching, again is fine, but please be quiet if talking. Keep it to a whisper. No loud conversations or laughter around play areas.
* No jacking off. If you came there to wank, then you are in the wrong place. You might get turned on watching a scene, but it is considered highly impolite to jack off while watching people play. As I stated in Part 2 – we allowed sex at times, but only in a certain area. Many parties don’t allow for vaginal or anal penetration, but might allow for oral or hands/fingers. Why they allow for some sexual contact and not others – really just depends on the space or home. Okay now all that said sometimes a party will be set up specifically to fulfill fantasies and maybe a sub has a fantasy of several men jacking off on her as her D-type beats her – then of course it is okay. But often that kind of party is set up with trusted close friends in a private setting. So you most likely won’t see that type of thing when you attend your first play party.
* Turn off your cell phone and no photos.
* Single? Don’t expect to go and play. Can you find someone there you might want to play with? Absolutely, but be polite in asking, talk some and negotiate.
* If you think you might want to play, bring your own toys.
* Safewords – usually a dungeon type space will have universal safewords that they want everyone to use so that if DMs hear them and the Top isn’t stopping the DM will step in and stop it. If you read part 2 of this series you will see when we hosted we didn’t, we felt everyone was adults and responsible for their own safety. If you feel like you trust someone enough to play with them, then you should trust each other enough to use safewords or communicate in a way to get your emotional and physical conditions expressed.
* Dress before, during, and after play – I will talk about dresscode more below. Private parties usually want you to arrive in street clothes and then if you desire you can change inside the party if you want to wear something more fetish oriented. After I play or if changing between different play areas, I like to have a coverup/robe as I am not comfortable walking around naked. If you come dressed one way, think about how you want to be dressed after being beaten. You might be floaty or having sub drop so getting dressed back into fetish or even street clothes can be a pain. Pack some comfy easy clothes in your toy bag too. I usually hate wearing my bra, thigh highs and heels home so I pack clothes to replace those if needed.
* Take care of you – Do what makes you comfortable. Don’t feel pressured to play. Watching is fine. Also make sure you eat and drink plenty of water as playing can burn off calories and make it so you are dehydrated. If you have medical issues, make sure you have meds and friends that know so they can spot signs. Such as I have friend who is diabetic sometimes after she is beaten it messed with her insulin levels because of the endorphin rush so always had meds with her and when she was invited to one of our parties – I made sure to have some orange juice around for her to drink after playing.
Some questions to ask the host/hostess:
Is there a dress code or theme? Is nudity allowed? – Sometime public dungeons or bars having a fetish night will have a dress code or a theme. Often it does mean some type of leather or fetish attire for a dress code. Themes can include: Pirates, Medical, Goth, and School type costumes. A bar having a fetish night usually won’t allow nudity. Sometimes a bar having a fetish night will have a fetish show or performers and so they might set a dress code or theme according to it. They might allow very close to nudity for dress such as thong panties and pasties for females. Public Dungeons often allow nudity once inside. Private parties want you to arrive in street clothes and then if you desire you can change inside the party if you want to wear something more fetish oriented.
Is there food and drink? Do you need to bring something? – Often at Fetish nights at bars – there isn’t food. But often parties held in dungeons as well as private home parties will have a potluck or share a snack type party. Sometimes they provide drinks other times they ask you bring your own. If it is bring your own, make sure you bring a bottle of water. Playing either from either Top or bottom place give you a work out and make you sweat and need to replenish liquids.
What time do the doors close? Once you leave can you come back in? – Often dungeons will allow entrance for only a set time and once you leave you can’t come back in. If you are a smoker they often have areas set up for smokers – like a back patio area that is walled off so outsiders can’t see you. Sometimes Public Dungeons don’t allow nudity until after the doors close and it then usually becomes a private party which then allows for nudity. Private parties might have a door closed policy also because the host and hostess want to play too and having to wait to answer the door can infringe on their time. Also they might have play area set within an open door view and so want people inside before play starts and no neighbors can see. They also have areas usually set up for smoker that sometimes mean getting covered up and back in street clothes or it is walled off from neighbors view.
Is there areas designated for socializing and also aftercare? – Often public dungeon spaces as well as private play parties have both.
What type of play is allowed and what kind of equipment is available? – Some public dungeon spaces have area for blood play, wax or water sports, but don’t allow it at parties because of liability issues. They also often don’t allow gun or knife play, fire or scat play either. Sometimes they might allow blood play if they have a room that can be closed off and have it set up for safety – such as having a sharps container. Dungeons often have a wide range of equipment, but private play parties might have much more limited play space.
What are the rules? – Saves a lot of time by asking for rules ahead of time to figure out if you will be comfortable. Rules will often address many of the questions you have floating around in your head.
Again always ask if you have any questions. Play parties can be fun as they can feed exhibitionists or voyeurs. They also can be a bit overwhelming if you haven’t had any type of play around people. I know with Master and I, we need to be very comfortable around people to play in front of them. So take your time, ask questions, use common sense and just have fun!
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