Blowjobs, fellatio, going down, giving head, licking carpet, eating pussy, no matter how you put it – oral sex is generally included in many facets of the lifestyle. There is a stigma with some Dominants believe that “real Dominants” should never give oral sex. They usually hang their comment on the belief that oral sex is a service or submissive act because it puts them into a subservient position.
It’s a belief that I have never quite understood. Generally speaking, when someone goes down on a man or a woman, that person is in control. They are the one sucking, licking, swallowing, kissing, biting, flicking their tongue and so on. That person is the one deciding what they do next. They decide how fast, how slow, how rough, and how gentle the experience carried out. They are the one deciding what to do and how to do it…to get the other off or not.
Before I get carried away here and start giving submissives the key to the city (so to speak) let’s not forget that submissives desire to please their Dominants. That does not mean that even though they are in control of the oral experience, that the Dominant is not in control too. Consider what happens if a submissive were to use this control and not fulfill their Dominant’s wishes or desires. Who wants to live with that? If a submissive is scorned to make sure the Dominant is not getting off then there are larger issues within the scope of that relationship that go well beyond the oral sex issue.
Can the other person receiving the oral sex control the act? Absolutely! I am not suggesting they can’t. In fact, I love it when my head is held down when I’m giving oral…so my mouth is pressed into the genitals to the point where I’m breathless. Being forced, held down, or otherwise worshipping in such a manner goes into an entirely different mindset – which for the sake of this article we will stay away from. (*bummer*)
To my surprise, it’s not just Dominants that have this viewpoint as I have heard submissives say they have trouble when their Dominants go down on them because they are receiving pleasure. I can understand that to a point, but what about the times when the Dominant gives other sexual pleasure besides going down on his/her submissive, does that also bother the submissive? Most that I heard felt that was different. Why should it be different? The submissive is receiving pleasure because it’s the Dominants desire to give the submissive pleasure. Your Dominant is controlling the situation and experience no matter what type of pleasure or pain he/she gives the submissve. Allowing a submissive to receive pleasure is not dependent on the submissive’s wishes as much as it is whatever is granted from the Dominant. Obviously a submissive that is receiving pleasure – any pleasure – is receiving it only because the Dominant is allowing it. I think the same thing can be said for oral sex.
By realizing the control maybe the Dominant and the submissive might feel more comfortable about oral sex. If the Dominant and submissive could realize that in using the Dominants mouth to reduce the submissive into a helpless puddle that the Dominant controls whether and how the submissive feels those sensations. That instead of seeing the Dominant as “servicing” the submissive, the Dominant could see the submissive as putty in the Dominants…well, mouth.
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