1) Be honest
Be honest about your wants, needs, things that are grating on your nerves, little pieces of information about your partners that drive you nuts. Be honest how you feel and what you are thinking. Be respectful to each other when expressing all these honest feelings. This goes for both Dominant and submissive.
2) Take things at one’s own pace and moving forward only when it feels right.
You don’t need to speed through things. If you have faith in your goals and foundation then you will get there when it is right. And just because you are going slow does not mean you are not in an D/s or M/s relationship.
3) Have great sex and great SM in your relationship.
We hope you all know how to do this one. If you are not having great sex and great SM, figure out why not and fix it. If it is just not enough time – make time. If it means putting off the laundry for an hour or taking a quickie at lunch while kids are at school then MAKE it happen!
4) Do not compromise the basic structure and dynamic.
This one – to us – is big for keeping things set in reality. We are sons/daughters, friends, fathers/mothers, husbands/wives, employees and we can still have our D/s dynamic and be all those things. We don’t have to say, “oh now I am vanilla and now I am doing D/s.” Don’t let the activities you do – such as protocols or SM – rule your dynamic. Let the foundation rule your dynamic. If you make D/s a part of your foundation and don’t compromise that dynamic then you can keep your D/s set in reality.
5) Have a common commitment to the relationship.
This is what makes D/s and M/s relationships work. If you and your Dominant/submissive are striving towards the same goal with the same intensity, faith and degree of commitment, then you will make it work within reality.
One last thing again… The goal in creating a solid foundation is combining the dominance and submission – intertwining them to make it your lifestyle…your life. It should be woven together so that your daily life can be seen as a D/s or M/s dynamic to you even in the most vanilla of situations. But also don’t complicate things by separating aspects and activities in your life as D/s or vanilla. Don’t let the activities you do define your relationship. Make your dynamic your life.
© within Reality: Michael and danae 2004 – all rights reserved