The Question We All Must Face: “Have I Lost My Desire To Be Submissive?”

by Bob Harris

Someday, sometime, somehow, it’s going to happen. No matter how good your D/s relationship is, it’s going to happen. Even if you have the most caring, sensitive, responsive, loving Dominant in the world, it’s going to happen. It’s happened to the strongest of submissives. It’s happened to the weakest. And most likely, sooner or later, someday, sometime, somehow, it will probably happen to you. Sooner or later, you’re going to ask yourself the most challenging question a submissive can face. Have i lost my desire to be a submissive?

There are days when i truly wish that being a submissive actually did mean that you were a mindless robot. No cares. No worries. Just sit around and wait for the next directive. The idea of being the naked boy, sitting at home, waiting on Sir, while He takes care of all the necessities of life doesn’t sound like a bad thing at all. In fact, it sounds damn good!

Nice work if you can get it, but that’s far from reality for the vast majority of us. So, sooner or later, as the pressures of everyday life make you feel like your ready to explode, that awful question will begin to sneak up on you.

Let’s be real. Being in service, to even the best of Dominant, can sometimes be a real pain. We have to take care of all of our own responsibilities that come with having a career, taking care of our house and car, and all the other modern “conveniences” that for some reason seem to make life more complicated than convenient. Plus, we also have the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s home, car and modern conveniences. Daily pressure times two. Sometimes it can become overwhelming.

But hey, we’re “super-sub.” We can handle that and make it look so easy that Sir, believing that the service ability of a good sub is a terrible thing to waste, piles on a few more tasks for you to do in your “spare time,” whatever that is. But hey, we’re “super-sub,” we can handle it. So you reach down inside yourself, find that last ounce of energy that you’ve hidden away, and keep on going.

But then comes the big one. Naturally, with all that you’re trying to do, at the end of the day, you’re tired. Sir, doing all He can to be the responsible Master, decides that what you need is rest. No play tonight, or the next night or the next etc., etc., etc. So now you start to think, ok, i’ve worked my ass off, done everything i’m supposed to, yet i don’t get any of the rewards, i.e., play time. What’s wrong with me? Am i no longer attractive to Him? Do i no longer spark His desire to play with me? Rest? That’s the last thing i want. Want to rejuvenate me? Then take me in and beat the crap out of me. Throw in a little CBT, maybe some single tail, and see how fast i bounce back. After all, a good flogging beats the hell out of any kind of massage or rest when it comes to rejuvenating a boy.

Then it hits. Why am i doing this? i could find any number of play partners without having to go through all these other hassles. Why did i become His submissive anyway?

Unless there are other, deeper, problems in the relationship, it doesn’t take long to come up with the reasons why. Despite all the hassles, all the headaches, all the self-questioning of worth, deep inside you know why. It’s because you love doing it. You need to serve and you know you’ve got the best Dominant anyone could ask for. All you have to do is swallow a little of your pride (all it does is get in the way), talk to Sir and tell Him, “i need Your help and understanding.”

Of course, admitting this is the last thing you want to do, being “super-sub” and all. So you bang your head against the wall a few times (damn, now i’ve got to fix the hole in the wall), slam a few doors (oh no, i heard a crash, what broke?), drop kick the cat across the room (it’s ok, he’s already deranged, another concussion won’t hurt him much) or go shopping (ok, so there is one gay stereotype i fit) until you finally get rid of enough anger and frustration to admit to Sir that you can’t do it all.

But it’s OK. He understands. Most of the problem could have been avoided if you just hadn’t been so stubborn and talked to Him sooner. But you faced the question. You’ve reassured yourself how much it all means to you. You won.

Just A Thought

Do you really believe the old stereotype of the submissive as being someone of no worth, a plaything to be used and abused at will by the Dominant? Did you come into this lifestyle with an extreme case of low self-esteem, believing that you are so worthless you deserve to be misused? Think again. That stereotype is the furthest thing from the truth. Bein

g a submissive requires intelligence, a deep sense of self-worth, coupled with a strong desire to care and serve the one you love.

If you take all the words that are used to describe the various types of submissives, be it boy, boi, girl, slave, submissive or bottom, you can’t find the letters to make up “worthless,” “ignorant” or “piece of shit”!!! Remember that!

copyright bob harris © May 2000
(No portion of this article may be reproduced without the written permission of the author)