“You’re not submissive enough”
“Every submissive does X”
“True submissives say yes. They never say no.”
“She’s not a submissive if she can’t take it.”
“You’re topping from below if you’re controlling what’s happening.”
“I’ve had 100 submissives and they never said no.”
“S-types aren’t ever supposed to have rules, lines or limits.You must not be a s-type”
At the heart of this lifestyle is the basis of consent. It’s seems like a pretty straight forward concept but basically it comes down to either having consent to do something or you don’t have consent to do something. Even consensual non-consent (CNC) has an original element of consent made at some point.
Why is it then that we teach submissives how to create boundaries, how to establish lines and limits, and how to negotiate scenes – but all of that is thrown out the window the moment an s-type is guilted into something she wasn’t prepared for or willing or wanting to do.
It’s not mindfuckery d-types. It’s a simple manipulation of one’s consent. Don’t do it.
D-type: Abide by the negotiations set forth. Be respectful of those lines, limits and boundaries and for fuck’s sake – just be humane about it. Guilting or manipulating into doing what you want is not dominance – it’s a dick move. It doesn’t make you more dominant because you could push a submissive into a zone you wanted to be at. It makes you a dick – so stop being one.
S-types: those that are pushing, prodding or affecting their guilt onto you – well that’s a flag and likely indicative of something gone amiss. Be mindful, be careful, remain true to yourself and by all means – if it doesn’t feel right, use that exit strategy. Also, re-examine the romantic notion of the full surrender bit. Oh, it’s hot as hell and make our loins tempted – but the reality is, we need to make sure you’re making the sanest, most rational decision you can make in the moment. Be titillated, but be smart about it. Be excited about it, but know what it is that you’re going into.Any d-type that’s pushing buttons isn’t “encouraging” you – it’s a form of manipulation. Arguably the hottest thing is to have someone willfully submit or surrender, but we all stand to lose a helluva lot more if that process far exceeds or crosses lines, limits and such. It’s not worth it for everyone involved. So – don’t do it.
Respect the s-type on the other end of the conversation.
Respect that if you do not have clear consent then you have no consent.
One last thing: wearing down an s-type’s defenses to get what you want isn’t cool either. Sure, there’s the evolution believe that we transform as time goes on so someone adopting the same kinks and likes – is also natural … but when it becomes the central point of the focus of the dynamic – one can be guilted into doing something gradually with or without their knowledge, acceptance … or consent.
Consent doesn’t work that way, nor should it. Rational, inform-minded participants should be able to determine what they CHOOSE to do. When a person is not informed, when it’s not rational or approached in a sane manner – then how can we expect to rely on the consent part?
We can’t. So don’t.