It’s gonna happen.
It’s going to be big.
You’re going to be poised and placed into positions where you think you have everything mapped out. But…..
It’s gonna hurt.
It’s gonna leave you with a bruised domly ego — and you’re going to be okay.
That’s because you’re not alone. It’s happened to all of us and if you think there’s a dominant who has never tumbled, fallen or otherwise did something stupid – then they are simply full of themselves. It’s happened to them too – even if the denial wounds their pride a bit.
No matter what the #fail was … own it.
No matter how big the flub was … it’s yours.
No matter if it’s going to torpedo things in the future … face it.
Eventually the crap we put up with – is stuff we will have to process or have haunt us in the future to come. So why not invest the time necessary to address what happened, recognize it, see what you’d do differently, talk it out with your submissive or slave and start moving forward again?
Because I’ll be seen as weak… No it won’t. The perception of weakness resides in the integrity you bring to your dynamic. Not whether or not it’s going to damage your domly ego or not. A strong dynamic requires a strong person. Someone who can be honest, forthright and responsible for the things we do — is the mark of a good dominant. Why? Because it starts with us and it ends with us. Anything less than that – and we have to start wondering why we’re in an dynamic with another person who surrenders themselves to us when we can’t take responsibility for the stuff we do.
Because I’m the Master of her Universe…. “…and I’m Captain America, nice to meet you – haven’t seen you at the hero meetings lately….” While it’s incredibly romantic and wonderful to be the steady rock in your girl’s (or guy’s) universe, please keep in mind that rocks are subject to gravity and fall just like all the other pebbles, stones and branches. Rocks are supposed to fall – it’s in the gravitational rule book. We can be steady, we can be solid, we can be reliable … but we need to accept the reality of gravity and the fact that rocks are equally capable of falling in the roadway and causing headaches for drivers. In another words, rocks make mistakes too.
I can do no wrong…. Wrong – you just did. You’re human and even if you’re the center of the world – even the universe gets it wrong sometimes.
I need to be strong…. You are strong, but strength isn’t perfect.
Admitting one’s #fail actually becomes a strength. Any submissive or slave that loses the glean in their eye that you’ve somehow lost your luster because you’re an imperfect dominant — is the mark of someone living the lifestyle a bit too much into some sort of fantasy’s realm. Strength comes by revealing our imperfections – by embracing those defects allow us the ability to be empowered by them.
The unfortunate thing is that the lifestyle is designed so that slaves and submissives are punished when they do things wrong … but there’s nothing in the lifestyle rule book that designates what happens with a dominant messes up. That’s because we’re not supposed to mess up, or we get back on our feet like Pee Wee Herman exclaiming: “I meant to do that.”
Reach out to another dominant if you’re struggling. Find a friend, seek some wisdom, read up … develop a plan, but above all else – don’t forget to have the conversation with your submissive or slave. They look up to you. They are giving themselves in ways that we love … so suck up the domly ego … it’s gonna bruise a little. But watch a new found respect emerge … and slowly let that monkey off your back. As time goes on – admitting our failures and learning from our mistakes makes us better Masters, Mistresses, Dominants and Tops.
…and we all want to be the best for our property, right?