Whether you’re heading east, west, north or south, we sometimes use our sense of direction to help guide us when we’re lost – or when we think we know where we’re going. I’ve written articles about having a plan, how to execute that plan and what I think goes into a good relationship. One thing I’ve noticed in a lot of relationships is when a submissive is struggling with her submission. I’ve been there, I’ve seen it, and generally speaking it comes down to a lack of direction from the Dominant.

Submissives and slaves alike: want to submit, yield or be bent to the will of their Dominant. But what happens when the Dominant does not show her what he wants or how he wants her to submit? This is often expressed as a lack of direction. Simply attempting to apply the stereotypical: “well you just need to obey” just isn’t realistic. It points to a larger issue that the Dominant will (sooner or later) have to deal with. How can the Dominant expect his submissive to obey if he is not giving her anything to obey to?

I think when Dominants hears a submissive saying they lack direction they might confuse direction with active Dominance. (Active Dominance is a topic for another time.) Now that might be the case as well, but direction does not have to be a constant active.

Here is an analogy to try to clarify my point…

Let’s use your typical, recent college graduate as the example. They major in a field that they want to eventually work in. They get their degree. Now they pound the pavement. After a long exhaustive search they land their dream job. Just because they have a $60k piece of paper does not mean they know what to do when they are hired. Inevitably what happens is their boss eventually tells them what to do and how to do their job. Just because you have a degree in aeronautical engineering today doesn’t mean you’ll be making airplanes tomorrow. You learn the process of the company, who to contact, the specifications of the plane you’re building and then you can contribute their expertise on the project.

D/s or M/s relationships work in the same way.

Even though submissives and slave may have knowledge, ideas and even education does not mean they are best serving their Dominants. They probably have a desire to serve and please, but without any sort of direction from the Dominant, they will rely on what previous knowledge and experience they bring into the relationship.

It’s not a matter of buying a compass as much as it is drawing out a map. A compass can get you steered in the right direction, but without a map, there are a lot of details missed.

© within Reality: danae 2004 – all rights reserved

(Writing from my point of view so writing with Male Dominant pronouns and female submissive pronouns.)