Welcome to within Reality

Welcome to within Reality

Each of us came into BDSM in our own way. Whether it was a fantasy driven by a Penthouse magazine, or reading the perils of some damsel in distress. Most of us found an enticing eroticism associated with BDSM and the prospects that are generated from it. Weaning the path to focus on what is actually possible becomes the real challenge.  In 2004, we formed within Reality so that we could share our experiences and thoughts of this journey. We are Michael and danae. We are a Master slave dynamic and focus on the more mental aspects of dominance and submission.

We have a passion and fire for this life we live and love to share it with others.  Even though there’s no one “right way” to discover one’s reality, many people think this lifestyle is a fantasy or that it can’t be done in real life. Well, not only do we think it can be lived within reality, we believe that it goes beyond the orgasm, beyond the titillating fantasies, and other masturbational fodder we read on the internet. Reality says that life has bills, work (sometimes more then one jobs), floors to scrub, counters to clean, laundry to tend to, and cars to be serviced. But we also can have a D/s relationship while doing all of those things. These tasks are all a part of reality, but so is the M/s dynamic.

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Lost in translation … p0rn

“OMG, how can she take that?”

“Did you see that? Hot hot hot!!”

We swoon and marvel in the things we find on the internet. There are some very creative people doing some very impressive things.

… and most of it is staged. Of course it’s staged! (insert burst bubble here – poof)

I know I know, I’m sorry I had to do that, but it does illustrate how pØrn really ruins things our realities.

“What do you mean I can’t string you up by your tits like that?”

“But the slut in the video liked the hot poker on her ass.”

*sighs*

The simple reality is the fact we *can* replicate some of the things we see in our pØrn, but let’s be smart about it. Learn about it. plan it out, work up to it, ease on the path. But let’s look at those videos up close and personal:

*How can she take that?* – A staged production will employ some acting (I know, I know – burst bubble again), but the folks in the production do a really good job at selling the action, selling the feeling and the rawness behind it. Does the flogger make contact? Yes. Are the slaps on the face real? Yes. Are they exaggerated? Some are – some are not. It’s also possible that you see videos where the participants have worked on their craft a bit to get to the stage they’re at. She can “take it” because they’ve worked and worked and scened and played to get to that point.

REALITY: Inside the workings of “the activity” we can learn about how an s-type can take a slap across the face. We know where to hit so we accidentally don’t hit on the eye or the ear. We generally have to ease into them – easy pats before we start bringing the Zeus hammer down on someone.

*What do you mean I can’t string you up by your tits like that?* – You really shouldn’t unless you’re really good with rope, have done a lot of rigging before and have a lot of safety interests in mind. This is one of those “sounds good at the time” moments until one actually tries it – then wonders why they end up in the emergency room afterwards.

REALITY: It takes a long time to learn the craft, PRACTICE, then practice some more, learn the bottom/s-type, create good synergy, practice open communication before you string the tatas from the ceiling. The important thing is to be smart about it, learn it and take it in steps and increments. You may still never be able to hang your girlfriend by her tatas. If you work gradually and incrementally into it – and are very conscious and aware of exactly what you’re doing – then MAYBE – some day – you may be able to make such an attempt.

*My girlfriend will enjoy this!* – Wait, wait WAIT! Just because the beautiful model has a wonderfully erotic expression with her pristine makeup and glossy lipstick WON’T necessarily mean that your girlfriend will automatically enjoy it. Stop projecting the model onto the real-life situation you’re creating in your mind. It’s okay to learn the techniques, the tools and the nuances – but please don’t try to make your girlfriend into something that was highly planned out, negotiated, trained and otherwise staged. Transforming stuff into reality can be much different than the hot hot video we watch. These videos can be really good creative soup inspirations, but folks doing these videos are often really REALLY good in their craft and trade. From the model, to the rigger, to the producer, to the photographer and videographer – every single person is generally on top of their roles when producing the content we see online.

REALITY: Your counterpart will likely want to do it because they know how much it means to you. But just walking in and assuming “oh they’ll enjoy this” is not realistic unless you know, really know – what they actually like and don’t like. Don’t assume, treat every new activity the same way: the same introduction, the same knowledge and learning, the same build up.

*Dial in expectations, but adjust and make modifications*

It doesn’t mean we should be aspiring to see if that 12 foot long PVC pipe will fit inside danae’s pussy. No. It does mean that we we *can* dream up ways to make it realistic, safe and rational. Maybe there’s a dildo on the end, maybe she’s suspended on a safe pully system that can lower her on the PVC pipe, maybe instead of 12, we start with 3 foot … But even that requires a lot of planning and such too.

Which brings me to a fetish of mine: the planning of it. It’s about visualizing the entire experience, planning every nuance, anticipating as many different issues and outcomes as possible. It becomes a strategic exercise of sorts … plotting … devising … and implementing …

So while our pØrn can give us some wonderful wet dreams – we can do some of it, we just can’t do all of it.

And this isn’t a dig at those that share scene work who are actually engaging very deeply into a scene. These folks are enormously talented and I hold nothing but the deepest respect for what they produce. Then there are those folks like me that DO this with the harshness that a single tail that leaves the bright red mark on the skin. One KNOWS that was a real hit and can feel the energy from the bottom/s-type that absorbs it.

So when we watch our pØrn it’s perfectly okay to get a raging hard on or so wet that you’re needing a change before you go to work. When trying to transfer what we see in pØrn to real life, just know that there *might* be elements which can be made very real. As always:

Learn
Explore
Listen
Communicate
Practice

Be smart

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